Research

of Age

Months ago becoming a year ago Guilt not fading, rather, branded on my soul Blame and denial becoming misery  Searing pain as...

Written by reshma uddin · 56 sec read >

Months ago becoming a year ago

Guilt not fading, rather, branded on my soul

Blame and denial becoming misery 

Searing pain as time claws onwards

 

Violent feeling getting smaller as my foot digs in the gas

Haunted feeling follows, an anvil anchors it far from where I am now 

It struggles to move, paralysed, a clean shot to the head 

 

The exhaust shrieks, tires screech, nauseous to look back 

White knuckles freeze at the wheel, abandon the ghost of my past

It’s not my fault it’s not my fault it’s not my-

Forgive myself, forgive myself, forgive only myself

 

White lies are still lies

They’re stacked to an unstable skeleton 

Looming, intimidating the innocent 

 

Whispers follow, no-one blinks, crimson flags taken in a storm 

Fear of the implied, the fear of loneliness 

Not a single sliver of a justification 

 

Fear of missing out, a bad society 

Missing nothing, no quality dreams

No gifts, only empty words, a hollow caucus of the unattainable, that somehow everyone has

Risk my very soul for a second-hand feeling of love 

Wandering endlessly through a ghost town 

The curtain of crumbling dreams unveiled 

 

Run. Disappear in the wind, knives in acid rain,

Hands trembling carelessly, all tears left permanently 

Undamaged hope escaped

Unstable, oblivious to how I survived alone

Mirrors taunt my covered skin 

Pale cloaked in black clouds

Immediate disgust at the mere sight of familiar features

 

Slowly walks away through a meadow

Sunny skies blind those behind 

Dress gleaming white, pure or ghostly

Rightfully mine, an honor bestowed on my fourth finger 

Humidity clings to the body 

Gliding on clouds, focused don’t blink 

Comfort in solitude, only one shadow 

 

just…

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