The first struck at dawn.
Clouds discoloured the daunting skies
Disheveled voices heard through the static
The hollow echo of ambulances ring in my head
Guilt ached throughout and poured out of my eyes
Remembering the countless mornings we spent watching the news
I couldn’t be there at the last stage, I’m sorry mother.
I couldn’t attend the funeral, I’m sorry sister.
Quivering and unable to console a friend
Shards of misery have made scars
Time passed but silence remains
I remember her in my prayers
No silver lining in sight.
The second rang at midday,
The winter sun mocked me and evaporated my tears
Harsh shadows cast on every bright tree and laughing child
The inevitable had happened but was still unexpected at this point in our normal day
Questions clouded my darkening mind but I always come back to one.
How was I to know whether I was a good granddaughter?
I couldn’t enter the graveyard that lurks in my shadow
My vision blurred and my eyes became glass
I can’t wash off the smell of the hospital
We couldn’t communicate.
Why didn’t I cry?